just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
