Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
