i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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