Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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