My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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