It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
