i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
