The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
