Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
