and you said cock pushups were impossible
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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