i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
