What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
