Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
