I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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