i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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