ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
