So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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