am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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