East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
