Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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