Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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