I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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