I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
