The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
