sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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