One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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