there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
