what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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