I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
