Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
