Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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