i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like eating out sand paper
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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