shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
