How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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