i permit you to call me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
