The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
