So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
