I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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