if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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