You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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