i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
