Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
