Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
