I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
