Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
