I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
