Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
