Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
