we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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