Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
