is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
