i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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