just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
