in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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