bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
