i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You are a genius and a whore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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