Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
