Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
