I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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