I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
