Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
