Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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