i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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