i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
