im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
