Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
