Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
