I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
