dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
