Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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