Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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